I am not a film critic but I do like films, especially good action films. I tend to see less of them in the summer months since baseball takes my entertainment time and dollars. Last night I had a few hours, since there was no baseball to watch on ESPN. (I know, the all-star home run derby was on but that doesn’t count to me.) I was also out of town and staying in a hotel, thus I was a little bored. So, I went to see the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest." This Jerry Bruckheimer movie just broke previous US box office financial records for an opening weekend and is highly acclaimed by many critics. I thought it would be sheer fun. It was not. This is either a very bad movie or I am out of touch with what is really fun today. It may be the latter, which I am sure teen viewers would likely tell me. (The place was packed with kids and young couples!)

Is it a Johnny Depp thing or maybe it’s the co-star Orlando Bloom? I don’t know but I simply don’t get it. I wanted to leave inside of thirty minutes. The special effects were pretty good and the action was often fast-paced but the story was positively stupid, totally inane! I almost left but then I kept thinking there has to be some reason so many people like this movie and maybe it would get better. Anyway, where would I go, back to my hotel?

I am not a pop-culture critic. Sometimes I get the feeling some amateur critics think high-culture is superior to pop-culture simply because they say so and they know. I like popular entertainment, I really do. I kept thinking about the Indiana Jones movies last night. They were fast, had great effects and were just good rip-roaring stories. (Ever notice how the Nazi’s kept showing up in those films? Now, you can see how astute a movie critic I really am, right?) Pirates of the Caribbean is fast, quirky and totally dull. (And they are already making the third Pirates movie in the series. This is America folks and if it makes money then they will keep doing it, right?)

I am sure it is a sign of age but I like the Disney ride "Pirates of the Caribbean" much better than the Disney movie by the same name. Anyway, I am serious when I say that I would not waste my money to see this movie if I were you. Or maybe you already saw it and just loved it and thus you now know I am a bad movie critic. If so please tell me why. I just don’t get it. I wanted to suggest they call this movie “Dumb and Dumber" but that title has already been taken.