“Windy City Temperature Conversion Chart”
50 F: Californians try turn on the heat; people in Chicago plant gardens.
40 F: Italian sports cars won’t start; people in Chicago drive with the windows down.
32 F: Distilled water freezes’ Lake Michigan water gets thicker.
20 F: Floridians don coats, thermal underware, gloves and wool hats; people in Chicago throw on a light jacket.
15 F: People in Chicago have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0 F: All the people in Phoenix die; Chicagoans close the windows.
10 below: Californians fly away to Mexico; the girl scouts in Chicago are selling cookies door to door.
25 below: Hollywood disintegrates; people in Chicago get out their winter coats.
40 below: Washington D.C. runs out of hot air; people in Chicago let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicagoans get frustrated because they can’t start “da car.”
450 below: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on Kelvin scale); people in Chicago start saying, “cold nuff for ya?”
500 below: Hell freezes over. The Cubs win the World Series!